Thoughts Late at Night

I am laying here in my bed, and thinking, what am I suppose to do? As I said before I feel that I have failed in not finding my true love in college, but then I think about it and I technically have been cheated out of of my fourth year of the college experience. Is it right for those of us who are student-teaching to leave our home and friends that we have created a year early? I don't think so, but I also don't have any choice in the matter. So I need to make the best out of it, and I slowly am. The only think is part of me doesn't want to grow up, and I tell my mom from time to time that I want to fly to NeverNever Land. The truth is I am scared, and those who I am closest to are spread out across the state and the country and those are the girls and guy I lean on and miss terribly. They are amazing they have been there during my good and my bad times, and I am already scheming on how I can be able to see them again sooner than later. Currently I have no job, and every time I look through the classifieds I get depressed with what is available, so instead of dwelling on that my mom and I are reorganizing/remodeling a couple of rooms upstairs so I can have my own space and still have room for our guests. It is hard and strange to be going through my memories that I have created these last 21 years. I have to take apart the room that I have had since I was four, create a new room, and pack things away for my next place of living and teaching material. I truly had no idea that I owned so much stuff, and I don't want to get rid of a lot of it. So many changes, and I am a girl who hates change and there have been days that this has been really hard for me. But the one who has been amazing through this whole thing is my mom in being so supportive and wanting me to be happy, while I am here for the year. Where will I be in a year...that is the question that really scares me, so much goes into that question, and I really just need to place it on the back burner for now. Right now...I need to ":) just smile :)" as my banner on my phone says, and hopefully within this year I will know and learn more about myself and what I need to do.