Secrets

So, alot has happened since the last time I wrote on here. First of all one of the guys is completely out of the picture, and I know it is for the best. It was a hard Friday night but I think what happened needed to happen. Ir really sucked and I really did get hurt but I think for the common sense to hit me, I had to hit really hard. In the mean time, after I hit hard, all of my close friends found out within a period of an hour. Although at the time none of them knew the true story of what was happening...the secret was gone. I was shocked with how quickly the news traveled by way of technology. From call to text, people had found out what was going on. I was scared, what would my friends say or think, I had kept something this big from them. Although my friends say they aren't mad at me, I know that they are hurt that I didn't confide in any of them, and for that I am sorry. I have no true explanation as to why I did that and I am not wanting to come up with any excuses for it.

This should have been posted a long time ago, but school got in the way, and I want those to know that I still regret my decision of keeping it all a secret, but that there is nothing I can do about it now and I love you who have supported me through it all.

Last Semester in Moscow

So, I am student here at the lovely University of Idaho, but it is scary to say that it is my last semester here. In a few days I will hopefully find out where I will be placed for student teaching. I can't believe that I am already here, it just seems like I was just a freshman and I had so much time to enjoy the college experience. I have enjoyed college immensely and have met some amazing friends, who I hope to keep for years to come. I have grown close to them and feel that I can tell them anything... But now I have this situation where I am stuck, I am not going to get into specifics, but it is about boys. Right of course it is, I am a college girl and I am leaving here shortly. For years I have dreamed that I will find the love of my life in college and I would live happily ever after, but it is not like that, at least not for me. I have had boyfriends here and there, but none were ever serious, and it is a disappointment to my dreams and my time is up. But now, I have two guys who claim they are interested in me. One I have a strong and confusing past with, and the other lives no where near me but is not like any other guy I have met. I feel so lost and confused and I am starting to stress out, because I feel that I need to have everything figured out before I leave. Which I know is ridiculous when I think about it, but when I don't I freak out and it has become very apparent to me. Right now I think what I really need to do is focus on me..."what will make you happy?" They both ask me, but honestly I have no idea what that is...so hopefully through here I can express how I feel and what I think on issues that are popping up in my mind and stressing me out, as I take this next big step towards my career and my future.